Beautifully written. I experienced the same thing today when going to pick up my prescription at the pharmacy — which ironically enough, if I don’t have, I end up stuttering more. Sitting in the drive thru line behind the other cars, slowly inching up to the Russian roulette only gives my anxiety more time to fester and grow. I’m cursing the fact I couldn’t have my meds delivered this time for whatever reason. I’ve done this simple task a million times, and every time, I’m a sweaty, heart racing mess. The guy in front of me, elbow hanging out the window, pulls up and away with the confidence of someone who can perfectly articulate their own name every time they’re called to do so. He might have other stressors in his life I am unaware of and blessed to not have, but in this moment, I am incredibly jealous of this man. I pull up and say my name — or attempt to. The first name is always easy, for the most part. It starts with an A so it can roll off my tongue pretty easy, but the hard consonant of my last name trips me up every single time. I start off outwardly confident as I always do. Get out my first name. Success. Time for the second name. I can’t do it. I sit and block. Hold my hand to my chest as I always do. Smile big and start apologizing. Which I hate, because it is not something I should have to ask forgiveness for. I wouldn’t ask someone who stuttered to apologize to me. I choke out my words after a few seconds. The employee does not care as usual, they’re just trying to make it thru their shift and are happy I’m not just another asshole trying to make their job harder. She said, it’s okay, in a bored voice, hands me my meds, tells me to have a good day. And it’s over. I drive off. In all my embarrassment, shame, anxiety, stress, self-loathing — you know the rest — the people we interact with do not give a shit. And if they do — well, that speaks volumes about their own internal wellbeing. We’ve been traumatized by our peers when we were younger and have to carry that expectation of school yard bullying that does sometimes make its way to adulthood, but is mostly replaced by indifference. I have to remind myself this all the time. People have their own stuff going on, I’m not the center of the universe. Plenty of people have it worse. Plenty of people have it better, too. That doesn’t take away the pain of our affliction, but you’re right that we’re not alone. Thank you for sharing.