It may be a temporary pain and you don't have to hide from people or not going to college for having an stutter. That is why I said above that you just lack training. That pain is how you are handling your stutter, but there are better ways and this come from experience I've also been in some deep shit. In [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stutter/comments/hp7muh/open_letter_from_a_happy_stutterer_to_young/) I wrote about my experience and that pain you are feeling. I hope it may help you to see there is a good life there for you.