You need to talk to someone who you feel completely safe with. Your parents, a therapist, your best-friend, or even just venting to this subreddit since we all know what you're going through. I know it sucks not to be able to say shit fluently like other people, I get it. I'm 37 and I'm still stuttering but it's miles better and I don't care nearly as much as I did. This stutter will make you so mentally tough if you just muscle through it. Also, there's much more to this world outside of your dark, stormy thoughts. There's beauty out there that will make you realize you're lucky to be alive. But for now, you need to express yourself. You need to vent and open up the scars so you can heal. Take care buddy.