Hey there! Stuttering runs in my family, I used to work a lot of shit jobs in my teens and early twenties because I couldn’t speak without stuttering and had an immense amount of social anxiety. I’ve always gotten bullied for stuttering. Teachers, friends, family, coworkers. I’m just about to turn 30 and I realize how most of my life I was more comfortable to be seen as an idiot, a rebel, even ignorant, simply because of my inability to flow throw a sentence with ease. (I live in a place that is multilingual, but I stutter even more when speaking another language that isn’t my mother tongue, and you really look uneducated if you are only fluent in english here) I used work 15 hour shifts at this restaurant as a dishwasher, and became friends with the busboy. When he quit he had put in a good word for me to the boss. I used that opportunity to get out of the kitchen and start making the real money. I ended up working as a waiter and bartender in several restaurants afterword and then even became a manager. But at the beginning, learning to interact with clients was literal hell. Especially when having to explain items on the menu that I couldn’t pronounce, or if I had to explain something. All while having the facial expressions of a struggling heavy lifter lol. I’d be soaked in sweat, red in the face, and just trying real hard to keep my cool. I always knew that although my stutter is genetic (I have multiple family members with the same condition) my stutter is directly affected by anxiety levels. So that’s a deadly combination if, as a kid, you keep experiencing negative social encounters, you can quickly develop a sort of agoraphobia. From clients alone I’ve had been asked if I was ok, if I was having an aneurism, I’ve gotten weird stares at me, laughs, or people just thought it was my first day (which was my good cover) It was literal fucking hell but I can tell you in hindsight it was the best thing I ever did because it sharpened me, built my social skills, and eventually, cool my nervous system down so that not every interaction was experienced in adrenaline style fight or flight mode. I remember going from being completely exhausted after work, to wanting to go out after work with the restaurant staff or something and interact with MORE people. I am very lucky that allowing myself to tough out those moments brought me to meet so many cool and awesome people that didn’t judge me and not only accepted me, but enjoyed my company as well. (Whether it was clients, staff, or just people I met on a whim) Drugs and alcohol definitely helped me win some battles, but my war isn’t over. Currently I’m trying to find my peace without drugs or alcohol. I’m hitting 30 soon, so I can’t keep up this life forever. I need to find other ways to not only suppress my social anxiety but eliminate the tension in the body from just collecting stress over the years. I feel like I have a sort of PTSD, because (and I’m sure you know) but going through your day as a stutterer can be really exhausting, you have to out yourself through moments of intense stress over and over again. And that takes a toll on your body and mind. That’s why alcohol can be a great friend. But I need to find other ways to burn steam. I’ve been exercising and keeping myself busy by staying outside, stimulated, and keep yourself around people that respect you. Honestly I don’t take anyones shit anymore (as I still work in service) but to get back to one of my first points but I have found that I’d rather confess my speech impediment, than have to be thought of as an idiot or whatever. Teachers would tell me all the time as I would be going through my presentations that I didn’t seem very well prepared or whatever, and rather than mentioning my disability, I would rather agree with them and say I didn’t study, prepare, or forget what I have to say, or forget the name of a certain place or person and ultimately look like an idiot. I don’t do this anymore because it has lead me to believe that I was incompetent.. for many years I struggled with myself, I wouldn’t say I really had help from many people and in hindsight I’m pissed off about that. But I learned the hard way, a lesson of self reliance, self belief, and hope that things will get better.. you just have to walk in the fire, endure the pain of humiliation, all while thinking that at least, I know, nobody really, aside from you, is still thinking about that embarrassing moment you had to stutter through. Sorry for the rant… but I think it’s cool to meet other people that stutter! When it does you feel relief, so just wanted to reach out and share my experience as a human and say hello! It doesn’t have to rule our lives! If we have great friends, and find peace within ourselves, we’ll be all right!