You're important. Be kind to yourself. My advice... First chance you get, go talk to someone. Find a psychologist or therapist. Start working through your feelings. Don't let the bad feelings continue to fester and grow. I would like to see you get help dealing with your depression before anything else. Once you get that ball rolling, seek out speech therapy. I always advocate for therapy. Finding the right program is important. If you've tried before and been unsuccessful, find another speech therapist. You can ask your old one for a referral. I've told doctors that "this ain't working, who can you refer me to?" If your stutter has gone away and come back, that makes me quite hopeful that you can manage it. Please take good care of yourself. I want you to be OK.