Choose your battlegrounds. Speaking a certain word, which you didn’t even know before, under pressure ->> certainly not easy for most stutters You cannot choose or control situations all the time so sometimes you will experience things like you do. Build up your strength and speaking confidence elsewhere. Your life doesn’t depend on speaking names in a certain time/way. When you are an extrovert, choose situations that make you comfortable and speak there. I liked none speaking games, sports, and so on to connect with people and speaking freely without a the pressure of the activity helped. When you have confidence and can build on your self-esteem those defeats are not hurting so much anymore. I’m end of my 30s, super bad stutter most of the time, have a PhD, created two startups, work now in a manager position and have a family. I still experience things like you describe, want to crawl in a hole and never come out. But I know, what makes me happy and where I can recharge my speaking batteries. You need to find that, and you need to to start today with small steps.