people immediately try to shunt you into an outgroup or assume you have autism or not take you seriously the lack of friends really really really hurt me in the past and it still does but i am a massive hater and i wouldnt want to be nice to someone like that anyways. you kind of take what you can get. numb your emotions, spite, etc. do you what you can, yknow? i've become a workaholic and i try my hardest to preserve what little relationships i do have. despite my education, family nor peers respect me. work too. and everyone is hyper critical of everything because *"well maybe you're autistic";* while i've NEVER missed any milestones nor had any autistic symptoms. manic? sure. adhd? sure. whatever. autism ? no. and we already see how society treats people like that. ***everyone wants to exclude things they don't like or what makes them uncomfortable. its human nature after all, but even if it is, do we have to abide by it? to what ends does acting on this nature bring? people act on hate, jealously, lust, etc all the time and look where it got us. 6+ global wars and millions and millions dead since 2020 and counting***. its disgusting. its sad. but what else can you do? *ethically*, of course. but the fact that my mind goes there really drives home the point how much it impacts my day to day functions. its akin to being in a world but you're just observing the snowglobe. :/ **pros:** allowed me to rapidly gain empathy and emotional intelligence, is a great buffer for fake people, gives me enough anger to focus my energies to changing systemic problems **cons:** everything else (friends, family, relationships, work, etc). its playing life on hard mode. god forbid you have anything else against you. what i would love more than almost anything is to be happy. meet new people, not be excluded or judged or ridiculed, etc. but the stars aligned this way...for some reason. if reincarnation is real, I don't want to be born again. what a stupid life. i do have the relative cerebral intelligence to use my hate energy to focus on things so im in research to prevent mental health and substance abuse disorders. again, using the snowglobe metaphor, you look at most people like pawns and then try to change their behavior (for the better). im just grateful i can handle the sheer weight of the human emotional spectrum, so I'd try to use that to teach others empathy for others. and maybe. just maybe... this world could be a kinder, better place. right? :/