I am tired of just exisiting

I am tired of just exisiting I want to talk and joke normally,i couldn't able to do it, i don't want to be in mercy of people to understand me,i don't want to repeat same sentence thrice i don't want to be okay with it.i don't want to be strange guy anymore, isn't something could change it, i am mentally tired of misarticulating and stuttering at same time.i am pushing myself but i couldn't find peace anywhere.only people i chat is my parents,there is no people in the world that care i exist.