Pain is suffering without acceptance. You need to accept that you have a disability, that callous and insensitive people will reject you for it. But then you need to do everything in your power to live the best life that you can. You have worth. You have agency. You have the tools necessary to break out of this funk and make something of yourself. It sounds like you were on the right track but fell of the wagon. For what it's worth you are going through the most difficult time of life for someone with a stutter. Things will get better. I could hardly speak at your age, I was even approved for SSI because of the severity of my stutter. But I got better when I stopped caring and accepted my impediment. I would definitely consider meds.