I‘ve been fighting for a long time, but can‘t take it anymore.

I‘ve been fighting for a long time, but can‘t take it anymore. I‘m 27 years old and I have been stuttering since my „hello-world“. As I grew up, it affected my self-esteem and made me become an antisocial person. My stuttering isn‘t that obvious, since I face blocks and freeze out of nowhere. I never had an open discussion about my stuttering, not even with my mother or father. As I entered my 20s, I felt the need of stepping up and face my stutter. I accepted my disability and took on new challenges to improve my self-confidence, self-reliance and public speaking. I left my comfort zone and travelled to a new country with a new language and new culture. I was put in awkward situations where I froze suddenly and couldn‘t get the letters out of my mouth, but pretended that I still don‘t speak the language properly. I held presentations at university, work and conferences and all played out well. I got married to a person from a different culture and we now have a baby. She doesn‘t know about my stutter. I was, of course, put in awkward situations in front of her, but since I only froze and not stutter, she thought I am an introvert who doesn‘t know how to communicate sometimes. I haven‘t discussed this with her since I don‘t want her to look at me in another perspective or avoid asking me for „social“ requests. All these challenges made my speech much smoother and better, however, IT STILL PERSISTS. I tried my best and kept trying even in my tough days where I thought of suicide and giving up. Now it is different. I look at my baby‘s face and feel „immense pressure on my shoulders“. RESPONSIBILITY. I am facing more awkward situations these days as I am not hesitating to do phone calls, appointments, meetings, official documents or any thing else when it comes to my son. What‘s the solution? When is it going to end? I don‘t want to enter that depression pool again, I still want to fight ..