commentr/StutterDecember 12, 2020

Content

This is more of the science behind what I was doing. I realized when I would talk by myself or talk to a pet I would be completely fluent 99.9% of the time (depending on if I was in my head or not). And that led me to realize who I was when I was actually stuttering. I was stuttering only with human beings. Or if a human being had a chance to hear me (aka. Answer machine). I was baffled for a bit.. A dog is a living creature.. So is a human. What's the difference? I came to realize.. A Human can judge me, a dog cannot. Also realized because of this judgment a human can give, I would do everything in my power to avoid it (perfecting, pleasing, proving, pretending). And actually, the more inclined I felt to do 1 of those 4 P’s I just mentioned, the more I valued the other person's judgment of me. Think about it.. Does that make sense in your life as well? Ultimately discovering the level of my stutter would differ according to the level of these 4 P’s hence, The value I gave others judgments. So this is what I did. I went out and FELT judgment on purpose. Everytime I went to do a challenge like you saw, I legitimately thought I was going to die. I was that afraid of judgement. But the more and more I did it, the more of a carefreeness I built. I was no longer trying to please, perfect, prove, pretend as much anymore. I was becoming more authentically me. The same me that talks to a dog. And finally, i'm not saying this is the be all end all thing you can do to overcome your stutter. I just want to share this because of how much it impacted my life. I challenge all of you to do something outside of your comfort zone today and feel some judgment. Trust me.

Themes

Identity & DisabilityAnticipation & AvoidanceEmotional Experience

Subthemes

Authenticity vs. MaskingHiding & ConcealmentAnxiety & Social JudgmentAcceptance & Pride