Blew it again

Blew it again Had an interview for the career of my dreams today after months of searching and absolutely blew it. I tried my very best to take my time and even started drinking before the zoom interview to not stutter as bad. The interviewer literally stopped me to ask if my internet connection is okay and if there’s a better one I could connect to. This isn’t the first time it’s happened and I tell myself I’ll do better the next time but I don’t. I died inside and tried to laugh it off but honestly I’m sad because I feel like I’m letting my family and everybody who believes in me down. I can’t help it. Sometimes I just don’t wanna live anymore.