My heart goes out to you! Feel free to message me anytime to vent. If you live in a big city the chances of a meet up or group of stutters to engage with is highly likely and very beneficial! You can usually find it by googling your town and stuttering. Ive found meeting up with a group once a week and practicing job interview scenarios, venting etc drastically improved my mental health. Stuttering is the tip of the ice berg most people are not aware of the shame and silence we suffer in. :(