Severe anxiety and depression is exactly when you need a therapist. If you’re past experience with therapists tells you that it won’t help — you’re seeing the wrong therapists. Tell a therapist how you need them to be for you — brutal honesty, no bullshit, whatever. All the other comments are right on — as always. I’ll add this though — almost everything you’ve said revolves around your speech and your self-claimed inability to talk in a way that you’re comfortable with. Learn sign language and start befriending the deaf community. I’ve never known a happier, more optimistic group of people overall. They have jobs, order food (even when apps aren’t available through relay), friends, love — the deaf community makes it work and it is always an option as a stutterer to befriend and “join” them. I wish you the best.