I've been there man and I know how it feels, it's like a gut punch every time. BUT, believe me when I tell you this, things do get better. Looking back to when I was 19 (I'm 33 now), I felt like the world was going to end, and like you, a lot of times I felt like this was it, I just couldn't take it anymore. I soldiered on, at times defeated, at times without purpose and sometimes full of hope and anger that I will change things for the better, I shall live on and fight. But as life moves on, one tends to retrospect and introspect, with much more clarity of mind and purpose. You tend to realise that your speech is only one cog in the whole machinery. It does not define you. You are so much more than this. I must give it to you, you really have that fighting spirit, the courage, the fearlessness to give speeches, presentations and put yourself out there. I could never do that and I cannot tell you how much I regret missing those chances, those chances when I let my speech hold me back from doing the things I wanted to do. You, on the other hand, are someone who has fought hard and roughed it out. You sir will come out sparkling like a diamond. Fight on. Fight on. Fight on. PS: If you ever feel like talking to someone, feel free to message me.