28 male, had severe stutter when I was younger. In school had speech therapy for 10+ years. I don't stutter as much nowadays. When I speak English its fine, but when I try to speak Vietnamese its like I never started speech therapy. I thought it was a pure confidence thing that would be transferable but its more involved than that. I was told that as people who stutter we process speech with our right hemisphere of the brain (creative side). Which could give explanation to why people do not stutter when they sing. My speech therapist taught me that if you couldn't say it than sing it. (That's how I ended up singing later in life in choruses etc). Two things, consider a speech therapist and also a regular therapist. Adult stuttering is often comorbid with depression and anxiety which makes a lot of sense if you think about it. Shame is a common emotion seen in stutterers which ends up perpetuating the anxiety and depressive feelings about speaking. I wanted to take a second of time as a fellow stutterer to say that we are more than our speech impediment. I went from believing that ordering a pizza through the phone was the most difficult thing I would do to me now, married for 10+, starting my own private practice as a marriage and family therapist TALKING TO PEOPLE for a living. Before seeing new clients for the first time, I've learned the best thing to do is to be transparent and disclose in a light hearted manner that I stutter. People are pretty understanding and I've never had someone not choose to work with me because of my speech impediment. What stuttering can do sometimes is "misrepresent" us as loners, stand-offish and etc when we feel like we could be funny, witty, or even social if it were not for the stutter. What I hope for you is to be able to address the shame you feel about stuttering while developing techniques and strategies to better help you communicate, some being mental, emotional, and or physical in nature. You would be surprised how individuals that stutter tense of physically which makes speaking even more strenuous. Much like a muscle, without the proper knowledge we can make things harder for ourselves or even cause actual damage. I can't imagine what it make be like for you but I know that not everyone gets it, and sometimes "not everyone" includes family or friends. You are really hard on yourself. I hope that one day you can feel empowered and content with life and see yourself through much kinder eyes.