(Sigh)… I am a 48 year old stutterer. I have been down this path… I know your pain. All of us do… To stutter is to know daily struggle and embarrassment and defeat like few others will. Sounds like you need a pause and some time to reflect and relax to get you out of the immediacy of your despair. I have accomplished a great deal of things in this world with a constant stutter… Sometimes severe. It took many years to be able to say my name and to talk on the phone. I still have trouble with saying my phone number… social security number… email address… But I have learned to say SO WHAT… And once I did I also learned to find peace and happiness. I am the sole high school graduate from my Reservation… One of two combat veterans from that community… Use that to get all kinds of degrees (including a PhD - which included a public defense of my topic). I have worked with a noble prize winner… Delta force special operations… Governors, movie stars, celebrities and authors… I have found freedom in explaining to others that stuttering is not my choice… It is just something I do. I still work on it. Even later today - this afternoon, I am off to another speech therapy appointment. I know it is hard. I hear your frustrations. I empathize with your situation. How many thousands of days did I wish I could wake up and it be gone. How many times I wish I could just feign deafness and get by on sign language… So take your day/week/month and explore your feelings. I would recommend you start being honest about stuttering… Just like in your post. Try hosting a (virtual) gathering to specifically talk about your stutter. Throw your pain and embarrassment on the table and point at it. Own it. Free yourself from it. Learn that your vulnerability is not your weakness… Avoiding acknowledging it is. You’ll figure this out… You just need perspective… And that perspective comes through the sufferings… But once you make it to the other side… Life just gets a little better and easier.