Thanks for your sharing. I see a lot of my experiences in your story. Looking back elementary and junior high were a relatively happy time in my life but stuttering was a consistent stressor. I remember every Monday in English class we would have a spelling lesson and my teacher would randomly pick someone to say the next word. All weekend I would be anxious about the following Monday. No matter how much fun I was having the spelling lesson was always looming in the back of my head. Whenever I knew in advance of a reading, presentation, etc I had those same anxious feeling for days leading up to it. I really think this fucked me up for later in life. I don't think it's normal for kids to feel that much anxiety so early in life. You always hear that childhood should being care and worry free but here I was with a pit in my stomach for so much of my early life. High school was much more difficult for me socially. My relatively small junior high was mixed in with students from all over. Not only did I have even more public speaking engagement but I had to meet new people. It was overwhelming and it's when I started avoidance strategies. My "goal" was to get through each day with least amount of anxiety possible. Knew I had to read in English that day? "Doctor's appointment." Invited to party? Skip, possibility of stress. Even situations that would give even fluent people anxiety I was avoiding. I knew this wasn't healthy and I couldn't go through life this way so I sought out speech therapists. Through therapy I learned more to "accept" my stutter more and after graduating I mentally was in the best place I had been in a while. College was better. I played a sport so I instantly had a social group and didn't have the stress of trying to meet new people. I won't lie and say I didn't still employ avoidance strategies but I did confront things more head on. Unfortunately, unrelated to my stutter, I picked an unmarketable major and I didn't take the steps needed to set myself up for a career. After college I lost all structure in my life. I didn't have classes to wake up for or practice to go to and everyone I knew from school had moved across the country. Because of depression coupled with anxiety from stuttering and just general anxiety I basically became a shut in. My avoidance strategies took over. I knew I needed social interactions but the lizard part of my brain was telling me, "All these situations cause you stress, you need to avoid them." So now here I am just floating through life, doing a job that just (barely) pays the bills. Most of my life is spent in my apartment. It's good you're figuring things out at 25. I'm a little older at 28 and am just now trying to climb myself out of the hole. I don't know how many of my problems are from stuttering or are mental health related but I'm trying to find a therapist to get help. I'm past the point of trying to "fix" my stutter. I just want to be happy with who I am. Sometimes I think about how I got this low and maybe life could've been different if I didn't stutter. It's all water under the bridge though. Feels nice to vent. Good luck friend.