I'm having a mental breakdown.

I'm having a mental breakdown. I'm a recovering drug addict (9 months clean from opioids), I have a social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder,ocd, depression and probably ADHD. I'm on so many meds, I'm doing awesome for the past few months, depression is nearly gone BUT ofc I'm a stutterer and it ruins everything. I missed out so many opportunities in my life just because I'm stuttering, I'm really tired of all of this and I just wish I wasn't born. The only things that really ease my pain are opioids and benzodiazepines. I have no plans on going back to opioids but I'm prescribed low dose of diazepam and I just wish that I could take it everyday because it literally masks all my problems but my doc is being really careful with benzos. I don't even know what I want to achieve with this post but I needed to rant.