Not a quick hack, sorry. But it seems like you're having a some strong reactions to stuttering and that it is affecting your life in substantial ways. I'd encourage you to seek out a speech-language pathologist. u/Muttly2001 gives great advice about ACT, some mindfulness may also be beneficial. ​ If you need assistance finding an SLP (at least in the US) you can: [Find a Board Certified Specialist in Fluency Disorders](https://www.stutteringspecialists.org/search/custom.asp?id=1972) or [Find a self-identified expert in Fluency Disorders](https://www.stutteringhelp.org/therapy-referrals) ​ These are two good options