I feel the same way. You are not alone in these thoughts. I allow it to hold me back so much in life— professionally, romantically . It’s a rollercoaster though. Some days I’m like so thankful to be alive. Sometimes I get so down on myself and I’m like why me, How much more of this can I take ?What a cruel disorder— I look fine yet my words are trapped inside of me and I can’t get them out. How torturous that everyone asks me my name and yet i cant say it. I discovered this group when I was at my lowest. I do know one thing: having people who TRULY understand what I’m going through and reading peoples posts has helped me tremendously. Knowing I’m not alone in my thoughts, struggles— that someone understands. Some days, it’s the thing that keeps me going.