Anyone feeling the same when stopping stutter?

Anyone feeling the same when stopping stutter? When I speak fluently, I feel something missing, I feel empty like I have no control. Because I have the need to stutter (I have the need to feel the pressure of blockings). Does anyone share my experience? So basically, I prefer stutter over fluency because fluency gives me an unsafe and insecure feeling. Question: How can one give fluency a safe feeling?