I totally get this. I can speak perfectly fine to my husband, friends and family. I can socialise normally, I do have the odd hiccup but that's life. I work as a Project Manager for a health insurance company and I have to lead meetings, speak to people daily and manage my team. Again all of this is fine for the majority. However get me in front of a camera on a Microsoft teams call to a bunch of company executives and I fall apart. Sweaty palms, dry mouth and no words. I can rehearse what I need to say beforehand and all is good so I think "I've got this" but as soon as my turn comes to provide a project update, it all goes down hill. And then I start to question everything, and my negative thoughts take over, and the speech just doesn't get back on track. I have thought long and hard about why this happens and tried different approaches to try and prevent it from happening. But it still happens, even after three years in the job. It's something I have now learned to get used to and come to terms with the fact that this is just one situation where my stammer will rear its ugly head. It doesn't impact the quality of my work, and I eventually get my update across. It's hard but I guess it comes with the territory! Sending hugs!!