I see where you are, recognizing a lot of similarities between you and me. I'm a Swedish guy (18) doing a-levels in the British School of Kathmandu. I'm also a part of the boy's football team. I've been able to make some friends, which mostly has been possible since my stutter/stammer fluctuates a lot. However, there's a constant feeling of being held back, which I've dabbled with for a LONG time now. I so badly want to speak more to people just like you, but the shame and fear is still getting the best of me in most situations as i still fell like stuttering is a "letdown", and that fluency is "success" which neither is true nor helpful. However, one of my teachers directed me to the Speech and Language Pathologist at the school after I mentioned my stutter prior to a presentation. We haven't had out first proper meeting yet, but during out briefing we talked it through and I established my main goal - to not let it limit my life/interfere with talking to people. Hence, I would highly recommend reaching out to a teacher or mentor and find out what kind of support they can provide. If possible, see what it's like having a speech therapist. Either to adress the emotional part or fluency or both. I completely understand how you are feeling, and it sure does suck to stutter sometimes, or most of the time. However, I've realized that the only way is through, and if you avoid tough/uncomfortable situations because of the fear of stuttering you will only move backwards. I'm guilty of doing this as well, but I try to challenge myself in ways which will hopefully improve my relationship with my stutter. It is hard, and a battle we're facing everyday, but it can and will get better. Wishing you the best.