Surely you know there is help out there for you! Because you said "you'd do ANYTHING to talk fluently". Well, unfortunately that's what you'll need to do. Reach out and get help. It is hard, I've experienced it. Get with a self-help group like The NSA - National Stuttering Association. Check online - get connected with them. Whatever city you're in, check with a good speech therapist or pathologist who has experience with stuttering therapies. Get a good book on it at your library. There are self-help groups for people who stutter nearby your city - maybe. Life is hard isn't it? You gotta find out who you are - find your strength and do something!