I know what you mean - but you got to get out of that mindset. The telling a joke while stuttering sucks, the story telling can be brutal if you don't have the confidence or the energy to fight through that fear... but don't give up hope. What I suggest is actually seeing a therapist. Seeing one really helped me. We have all these self imposed limitations in our head that won't allow us to see the light. To see that it is possible to have great friends, a partner, a wife, a great career all while being a stutterer. It is ALL possible but you have to reframe your mindset. Being a stutterer isn't a life sentence of loneliness. It doesn't have to be. I just want to reiterate I know exactly how you feel and it's something i've battled as well. But don't let those dark thoughts win. Another thought I had for the anxiety is to try Ashwaganhda and L-Theanine. They sometimes give me that 10% decrease in anxiety that allows me to speak up more in meetings and social situations. Good luck man. You got this. Jon