“That’s when I show my true colors”. This right here speaks volumes to me. It sounds like you have a lot of shame caused your stutter. Almost like you don’t want people to find out you have one. Your stutter doesn’t make you any worse or less than anyone else. I get that it’s hard for us believe that due to all of the people in our lives who have convinced us otherwise. Imagine for a second that you live your entire life and your stutter stays the same. Would you change your behavior if you knew you going to stutter regardless. Would you rather stutter and feel horrible shame and embarrassment or just stutter but continue to push towards a happy life? I don’t think you should let a stutter rule your life or dictate your decisions. Obviously we may have a harder time in certain fields but don’t let it hold you back from what want to do. For example. I just got a job in IT, I have to sometimes take phone calls and explain things to people (A stutterer’s bane). I love the job but the phones scare me sometimes because of my speech, instant fight or flight response. Until I was about 30 I let my stutter rule my life until by working warehouse or manufacturing jobs because I didn’t want anyone to hear my stutter. If I continued to do that I wouldn’t be happy at the job I am now. It’s better to have brief moments of embarrassment or shame and do something you love than it is to feel the constant need to hide your stutter like it’s some hideous part of you that needs to remain hidden. The moment you accept your stutter and live with it is the moment everything is going to change. You can still do things to work on fluency like reading out loud alone or reading to yourself loudly to a mirror. Let people find out you stutter, laugh and make jokes, if you get stuck laugh at yourself. Life is too short. Hope this help even a tiny bit and you find the happiness you deserve.