This sounds wayyy more than stuttering and anxiety. You seem very upset all around. You need to speak with someone you can trust and have a long, drawn out conversation about this. You can choose to look at your life in regret and disappointment, or honor the strength and luck it takes to get someone to the age of 30, let alone graduating with a master’s degree. I honor people like you. Don’t be your own worst enemy. That’s no way to live.