Do what u wanna do bro I can't stop u. Believe me I've came close to offing myself. But think of it this way...life is short the way it is. It may seem long when your suffering. But it's over before you know it. The way I smoke & drink if I don't stop I might not make it another 20 yrs & i dont care. But while your alive there's hope. Don't give up bro. Cause once your gone your gone for good & you might suffer in the afterlife. I hope u try to live life as best u can before it's over & atleast give it your best shot. I honeatly hope you listen & atleast try everything u can to be happy. God bless bro