I think the best way to rephrase what you wrote into something that makes sense for me is: "I pay a lot of attention to how I'm speaking while I'm speaking". This is, of course, rather natural for stutterers who speak. We pay a lot of attention to certain details, because we've had it happen to us so many times before that suddenly, we start making weird sounds that we didn't mean to. You shouldn't chase that "dissociation" you mention, because that makes it sounds like it's your fault for stuttering, due to not being properly "dissociated". Instead, concentrate on speaking. You know a stutter is likely to happen, but now that you know, it shouldn't come as a surprise. It also shouldn't come as a surprise that sometimes it doesn't happen. People who don't stutter don't have the stuttering "overhead" to contend with, so I don't think we can compare the personal angle there. However, we can of course compare two people speaking, and if none of them stutter, we could say they're experiencing the same. It's just that in a wider sense, we can't ignore personal history, and that's where we do differ.