The more pain an insecurity you conquer, the stronger you'll be when you either solve your stuttering or the pain goes numb, which will happen eventually if you just dont give up, and your stuttering will probably go away then too since it depends on your constant need to perform socially and your incapability to do so. Dont think that youre missing out on much important because of your stuttering anyways, better to just get a hobby for yourself and build some confidence to face your stuttering, this trial of self hate without any way out is obviously not gonna get you anywhere.