Hm, couple of remarks here. 1: What's wrong with "pity"? In so far as it's a rather common reaction to someone being in a bummer situation, I don't see why you'd necessarily be against it? 2: You should talk to your mom and figure this out. Instead of us trying to glean things from afar, go straight to the source. One could even argue that you owe this to her exactly because she means so much to you. :)