Don’t beat yourself up. I know exactly what this feels like, it is a weird combination of self-blame and feeling powerless. Even though it may not feel like this now, it was beyond your control. Try your best to work through it and not be too hard on yourself. It took me many years to come to terms with it so no that it might not be a quick process (you are already on your way there). School is hard, but I promise you, no one in real life makes you read anything aloud. Keep your head up and know that very, very few people will think less of you for this (and they are probably not worth getting close to anyway).