*Whenever someone mentions suicide, I feel obligated to mention r/SuicideWatch. You're not alone.* ---   If you'll allow it - there are a few crucial points I think it'd be constructive to touch on here. - 1: >there’s no way to **cure** stuttering so why even bother? I understand there may be certain methods to stutter **easier** or whatever This is pretty important for get a different angle on, I'd say. correct, there's no cure for stuttering (not that we know of), but *curing* it would never be the point. It is indeed, and quite fundamentally, all about making it *easier*. Because then it's not so bad for you. And that's a good thing! That's what you *want*. You totally should look into getting better at managing your stutter, especially since it seems to be tangled up with your sort of bleak perspective. So please see if you can't do that. I know economy is likely a factor there, but maybe there are options you haven't discovered yet. - 2: Now, these bits: >when you’re a man you can’t be vulnerable, people don’t respond to that positively, people are forced to respond to anger in a way >finally say what I’ve been wanting to say but haven’t been saying because I haven’t wanted to make people uncomfortable or start trouble. In some cases it’s family stuff that I’ve been holding in for years >it doesn’t seem to matter how angry I get, nobody really cares anyway Contrast these with: >I’m more concerned with [...] not being a child anymore Do you see how the above could be construed as belonging to a less mature mindset? Seems to me you need to move away from your self-image and your anger-as-a-"tool", because it's definitely not looking like it's serving your overall goal(s)... just an observation, from the way you phrased it (I don't claim to know enough about you or your life). - 3: Lastly. >I don’t really have anybody other than **my therapist** but it’s not the same having someone who genuinely gives a shit and **likes me for me** You're right, a therapist doesn't provide that. A therapist provides therapy. It's not supposed to be "the same" as having someone on the personal/intimite level. A therapist still needs you to share your private and confidential stuff, though. Otherwise, the therapy is hampered. So please, don't frame the therapist as "not giving a shit". It was never their job to "give a shit", so to speak. They're there to help you in an instrumental way with reaching a better place. And if you're lonely - if you long for someone/something - you need to consider whether it's something you might need to pursue. Likely in other ways than what you've done so far (if you feel like it hasn't been working). - Oh and also - *never* be sorry for sharing. That's what we're in here for! :)