Today i did my first presentation , kinda.

Today i did my first presentation , kinda. Today was a really special day for me , i did my first presentation in my life in one of the subjects i have in college in my first year. i was actually going to dismiss it and not do it , but since the whole subject is about " presentation and communication skills " i had to do it , or else i will fail in it. IT WENT SO FREAKING HORRIBLY. here is what i did : i emailed the professor to tell him that i have a stutter and i can't do the presentation in front of my classmates. he was really understanding and nice and told me it's okay and i can do it with the teaching assistant in his office. Also , the teaching assistant was really really nice and understanding. i'm not even sure if you can call this a presentation !? , but anyways , i sat next to him , he opened my power point file on his laptop , he told me to take all the time i want and feel comfortable and that he had plenty of free time. so when he opened the file , he told me to start , and got a little back on his chair. now , and after nearly a week of me constantly training on the speech i will say, to the point that i memorized it just like my name , find myself staring at the screen , and "LITERALLY' can't get a " A LETTER" out of my mouth. it must have been a continuous 1 minute of my mouth twitching like crazy and me choking without LITERALLY getting any letter out.i told him after struggling really hard , that i can't do it. he told me it's okay , take your time. i tried again , and the whole thing keeps repeating , i really can't get a word out. literally 5 minutes have gone and of me doing this : AaaaAAAaaaAaa( deep breath) AaaAaAAAa( deep breath ) aaAAaaAAAaaaa ( deep breath ) ...... and so on. Guys , you don't understand , the reason i keep writing the word LITERALLY like this is because i ""literally"" couldn't get a letter out !!! this is so weird and i never stuttered that hard in my whole life , this must be the most severe stutter i have ever experienced.i kept stopping and telling him " i really can't do this " ... my voice cracked when i said that , i was about to cry , i felt tears accumulating in my eyes , but i didn't let it fall , although i really wanted to cry so badly , i don't know what was happening with me at that moment. then he finally told me to do it in colloquial Arabic (Egyptian) , which is so much easier for me than english. my speech improved a bit when i spoke in it and i finally managed to get a letter out. it took me 45 minutes to do what other people did in 5 minutes. i stuttered in every single letter and in every single sentence. That was probably the worst stuttering situation i ever encountered. i felt so extremely embarrassed ,when i was walking in the hall after it , which thankfully was empty , i was staring at the ground like a crazy person , at that moment i was finally able to cry. I didn't know that it was going to go this badly , i thought that me giving the presentation to only him , would make the stuttering better , but it didn't. i feel so damn low right now , what is the point of my dreams when i can't even say a letter ? i'm sorry about the long post , but i don't know anyone who will understand me like you guys would , and i have to get it out of my chest. :(