I’m so sorry you are experiencing this extreme depression. You said you don’t blame anyone but yourself; I know it’s easier said than done, but you don’t need to blame yourself at all. Over 70 million people have a stutter and none of them have it due to fault of their own. Human brains are weird and all sorts of wires get crossed in funny ways. Try to give yourself some compassion. I totally understand how devastating stuttering can be. I’ve spend many, many hours dwelling on my stutter and it can be defeating. I try to keep fighting the depression and anxiety every day because every person deserves to feel at home in their own body.