commentr/StutterAugust 10, 2024

Content

As a kid I don't remember talking much in school, my stutter kicked in when I was 6 but it wasn't severe, it definitely influenced my school experience though, I am naturally introverted but without it I guess I would have dared to ask questions in class and to speak more to my classmates and deepen the bonds, but I didn't and most of my "friends" were just friendly acquaintances. Starting from first grade I had a trick where I would sit and draw on the first day of school then my classmates would come look and they'd befriend me that way, I wasn't necessarily looking for real friends, just someone to know me so that I wouldn't be a total loner, and someone to help me talk when I couldn't, I did this until middle school and it always worked, besides I think that in my country kids are more friendly and accepting (at least at that time), so friend-wise I had almost no problem at school, I got bullied a bit in middle school because of my stutter though. Concerning my education, I didn't get into any special program, I don't think they were an option when I was in elementary and secondary school, especially not in the schools I went to, the teachers were almost as ignorant as the students so I had to deal with it myself, I had good grades and I was quiet so the teachers liked me, most didn't force me to speak but some did even though it was painfully awkward, a few times it was really humiliating, then even my friendly classmates mocked my stutter when they caught me (I was a covert stutterer until middle school), but I had the "nerd privilege" since in my country good students are really liked so people were mostly kind and indulging with me. There were also school events I couldn't participate in, I lost a lot of opportunities, and during oral exams, my stutter definitely affected my marks, it was hard swallowing bad marks because I stuttered and was too anxious when I had studied so much for them. I developed anxiety, depression and my mind was really clouded, I had attention and memory issues, I also experienced derealization and depersonalization a lot, which only made studying harder with time. People said that I was smart during most of my school years but I've always felt that I was wasting my potential. If I had received specialized care for my speech and it's consequences on my mental health, I would've had gotten better results.

Themes

Emotional ExperienceSchool & WorkIdentity & Disability

Subthemes

Anxiety & Social JudgmentHelplessness & AgencySadness & HopelessnessSchool & Academic LifeStigma & Bullying