Ha I don't think I'll ever put them down but you are correct about being able to do so much more in life. Yeah I forgot about borderline personality disorder as BPD so disregard that I meant bipolar disorder. Apologies for that. For me there's a little bit of controversy surrounding the diagnosis. They assumed I was on meth at the time of my meltdowns, so in a sense the doctor was trying to help me keep my job by diagnosing me with bipolar depression to explain my fits of rage and constant mood swings. I was not on meth or even considering meth at that period in my life. I was taking prescription pain killers though. I can't remember a lot of from that period as it was a nightmare. The company I worked for was old school baby-boomer minded and my coworkers were cutthroat and hostile towards me and that was where I had my meltdowns. All in all it was a confusing and enraging experience. Do I feel unsatisfied with my life? Of course, but there's not much that can be done about the past. I guess I'm somewhat at peace, enough so to be a barely functioning adult. Again not complaining or seeking pity, just trying to be honest as accepting reality has been difficult for me in the past.