I’m sorry you fee this way. Sometimes I can’t string along 2 words and other days I feel like I’m finally getting rid of it. I can completely empathize with this, I went a whole month without being to speak a single sentence fluidly a few years back. Towards the end of it I got a really bad ear infection that made me go deaf for a few days. I had to call off of work for several days, for I worked answering phones (which was a nightmare of it’s own). At its peak, the infection had me bedridden because of the agony my ears were under, and I went deaf for nearly a week. I spent 4 days not saying a word to anyone simply because I didn’t have any human contact for that whole time. I had this depression about me as well at this time and I wasn’t answering my phone as well. No interaction online, nothing. I spent most of the times reminiscing better times and even putting my situation. I convinced myself that my stutter was the only thing holding me back from greatness during these days unlike ever before. On the 5th day I felt I was going insane , so I decided to go out to the local mall’s food court to grab a bite to eat out and see some human faces for the first time in days. Although I was in pain, I was surprised at how much I missed the outside world, keep in mind I’m a reclusive type of person. I went to order some Chinese food and when the lady asked me what my order was I pointed at my earmuffs (it was winter time) and mouthed the words “I can’t hear” and she immediately started doing sign language and I felt instantly embarrassed. I said in a whisper (I think, I hope it was a whisper lol) “ear infection”. She said “oh, I’m sorry” and I said it was okay and I laughed about it and she laughed with me. I got my food, ate, walked around a little. After the week of pain was over and I started recovering my hearing I was so relieved, I had thought loads about my speech, and how grateful I was to hear again, I realized it could be much worse. I would rather not be able to speak than not be able to hear. From that moment forward I no longer felt shame for stuttering, this is just how I am. I was ashamed of how I felt about myself m, I felt pathetic, useless, etc. I think we all at one point accept who we are for the better. Thankfully it only took an ear infection that antibiotics took care of for me to realize how ungrateful I was about myself. I’m sure you’re a wonderful person who can’t fully express themselves to those you love verbally how you wish, but know that we are just as important and valuable as those with fluent speech. Good luck out there.