Wrote something at the lowest point of my life

Wrote something at the lowest point of my life 11-08-2025 It's a strange feeling. Nothing like I have felt before. Stomach is upset, mood is down, self-esteem is at the lowest - only being compensated by chronically reading and consuming "intellectual" stuff on the internet. The slow and gradual acceptance of never being able to speak out my mind, even speak out my name is eating me inside. This curse of stammering is worse than most other curable diseases that people fear. The constant thought of choosing words to say, of stringing together words to form sentences which I will be able to maybe utter is sickening and exhausting. It's a constant mental tussle, which takes up more than 50% bandwidth of the brain, rendering only half to use for other important stuff like work and study. You are out there to compete with people, professionally and academically, who can speak impeccably and are self-confident due to that very single trait of being able to communicate properly. "Communication" trumps "Technical Superiority" 7 days a week. The person who stutters only has the option to improve on his technical skills over his peers to have a chance of competing in this competitive world. Getting a disability certificate will probably provide a better chance for people like me to get a seat in a coveted institute than to slog away with only half of the brain's power. It's sad, it's pressing, it's uncontrollable. But it will only end when I end. I will strive to make this life worthwhile for myself and my family. I will not overcome this struggle, the struggle will accompany me to my success.