Thanks for the long post. It actually helps us know what’s going on in your life, and how it’s rated to your stuttering. It sounds like you are already pretty introspective about your stuttering, tendencies, etc. That’s a really good thing! Now I think you just need a proper framework for understanding your stuttering. And the concept of “approach/avoidance conflicts”, and “self-actualization” I think can really provide a big piece of that. You will learn about both of these in the books I’m recommending below. So I would really recommend the Dave McGuire course. They have an inexpensive self help book on Amazon called “Beyond Stammering: The Mcguire Program for getting good at the Sport of Speaking.” You can have the book downloaded onto your phone in minutes if you get the Amazon Kindle app. The book will go through psychological reasons for stuttering, give you a breathing technique, and inspire you to get out and practice speaking. The program will be fear inducing but use the people closest to you for support. Keep practicing the techniques and follow what the book says. Then I recommend reading “Redefining Stuttering” by John Harrison, someone who stuttered for many years and was part of the National Stuttering Association for many years. You can find a free link to the book if you google the title. If you can’t find it I will help send you a link. I was surprised to find the book for free after seeing it was sold out on Amazon. And ultimately do everything you can to better your mental health. Get a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), read books, sleep early, eat healthy, etc., etc. You have to create your own life program, and poor into it everyday, and repeat the parts of it that are necessary, everyday. As for the weed and the lack of feeling purpose, I would really say to call on God. I’m Christian, and 1 night God supernaturally helped me quit weed, and I haven’t gone back in 3 years. Jesus tells us in the Bible to not feed our flesh, but to rather feed our spirit. Only feeding our body with food, porn, sex, drugs, etc. leads to a life being attached to the world, rather than loving God and people. Also maybe learn a little about stoicism to help you stop your hedonistic tendencies. The YouTube channel “Einzelganger” is a great one! Also, the YouTube channel “Stuttering Mind” is great, and he’s a bit humerus and builds our confidence. And the channel “Stuttering with Olga” is amazing too! They both do coaching calls as well👍 Keep your head up man, and keep pouring value into your health. The momentum will switch eventually, to go your way🙂👍