Not able to say the words I want is worse than a nightmare.

Not able to say the words I want is worse than a nightmare. I've been trying to keep this to myself but am unable to do so due to all the pent-up frustration that's been suffocating me. Why do we have to suffer and struggle to speak when the rest of the world just doesn't care about it and act like it's nothing as we see it. I've been wanting to say words like 'international, independent, urban, and most of the words that begin with alphabets that cause me speech blocks but it's not as easy as I would dream it to be. I hate it. Why can't I say those words? Specially when I'm explaining about a new place to my family, I get stuck and I can't maintain nor pass on the excitement that I have about it. It's so frustrating and painful. How difficult and painfully annoying it is to not be able to say all the words being a teacher? I can't give listening exercises, although I do because I don't want to runaway from dealing with my responsibilities, it's physically and mentally exhausting having to inhale and exhale a number of times before uttering those words. I've avoided a lot of situations just because I can't say my name and I've already posted about this issue here. I can't go see the doctor, I can't face interviews, I can't express myself and it's killing me. I don't stutter on every word I speak but I get stuck on particular words. I've not taken up any permanent jobs because they expect the ones who teach to be able to do everything. I can't even mention a famous person's name just because it begins with 'a, o, i, e' and similar ones. I can't even speak to my family. This speech block thing is making my life miserable.