I am 23 and I’m physically and mentally exhausted because I stutter.

I am 23 and I’m physically and mentally exhausted because I stutter. Hello everyone, I hope you’re doing alright, it’s my first time posting, as I said in the title, I am 23 yo and I suffer from stuttering, my mother used to tell me that it all started with a cold when I was 5, I don’t think I’ve said this to anyone before but my sole desire as a child was to speak normally, I was a talkative and lively child, asking questions about everything, trying to learn shit about any topic I thought was interesting. I think I know why I suffer from this, I have identified many reasons, I feel like I’ve always been thinking about it in the back of my mind. 1.Many members of my family stutter, Father, uncle, cousins, so there’s obviously a genetic factor. 2.I think my grandfather has played a role in this, he’s fine and all but he used to shout at me a lot as a child, and to this day, I cannot pronounce a phrase (or even a word) without stuttering when I talk to him, and he’s always like : talk slowly, stuttering means you’ve got no personality, I know none of that makes sense, but I think it affected my subconscious and I was confused because he was talking about it as if he had nothing to do with it lol. 3.I think I don’t know how to breathe, sometimes I catch myself not breathing at all, which is kinda weird lol. 4. I have been to some speech pathologists, I’ve never been to the end with them, I have never been very disciplined, and I felt like a lab rat to be honest, and I hated how I felt, besides I’d always end up talking about my life problems rather than focusing on my stutter. 5. I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for like three years, I know it doesn’t help, but you know that life can be harsh, and no one chooses to suffer from those. 6. People’s perception, I do not stutter when I’m alone, this obviously lead me to hide when teachers ask questions, and it killed me cause I knew the answer to most of them, I’m an electronic student. 7. I had a teacher In middle school who used to force me to read and I hated it (and her) cause I was ashamed and some people used to laugh. To be honest, I don’t even know why I’m posting this.. I’ve had a bad day and felt like talking to someone about this, thank you for your time .. and I’m ready to listen to any advice..and .. I know I’m an adult now and it may be difficult for me to get rid of it, I know I should find some kind of inner peace, that I should manage to ignore people’s perception but it’s been a while now .. I’m kinda lost tbh, thank you for reading. I wish you all a happy life.