commentr/StutterMay 31, 2020

Content

Ouch. I'm sorry that happened to you, OP. I have so many of these. How about the time when I was 14 in high school (I'm old now) and the teacher in my homeroom class had the bright idea that before attendance every day, we'd each take it in turn to read out loud an inspiring quote from some book she had. So each day, someone would read a quote, then the next day the book would get passed on to the next person. I was seated in about the middle of the classroom and watched the book advance closer and closer to me every day with absolute dread. When I knew it was my turn the next day, I was in agony. I tried to tell myself to just act the part of someone who doesn't stutter, and to pretend I was onstage (my stutter is much better when I'm acting). When the book was finally passed to me, I couldn't even say the first word. I blocked on every syllable. It went horribly. Horribly. I finally managed to finish reading the quote, and was so mortified I put my head down on my desk afterwards. No one ever said anything to me about it, including the teacher (looking back, I wish she had, because my parents were totally useless about getting me help -- but that's another story!). I felt humiliated and I just wanted to die. I teach now as part of my work and I never, ever, make students read anything out loud unless they volunteer. I know too well what it's like when you have a stutter and can't escape that situation.

Themes

Emotional ExperienceAnticipation & AvoidanceSchool & Work

Subthemes

Shame & EmbarrassmentHiding & ConcealmentSchool & Academic Life

Codes (1)

reading_aloud