I understand you, same situation , I want to stop it too. but don't think and consider suicide as solution, please, I know its hard but what you gonna do? challenge and battle yourself, try to don't let stutter rule you and your life, I know it's hard in practice, theoretically I know it, but in practice I struggle like hell. Play music and dance, take a walk, it is not all that bad. we struggle more in our head than in real life, I hope it will get better for us.