i don’t know if i can give you advices or anything. what i would do if i were in your position is i would go to a psychologist and try to speak about all the things that i feel. i am working in IT, so i am pretty focused on rational kind of things, i didn’t believe that much in therapy, but as a last resort, i went to a psychologist few years ago and after 6 months of therapy, i felt good results of how i perceive things around me. Maybe you can try it also? you can’t lose too much; maybe some money.