I see a reflection of my past self in your words. In short, I improved by getting a "booster" to my confidence. I found something that has a linear path of progression and you can also see the results of your effort, fairly quickly. It was bodybuilding for me - for you it may be something else. Once you realize that you can improve anything, you will start escaping this bubble you are stuck in. If you are interested, DM me freely and I will provide some tips - that goes for anyone else reading.