Proud of you for writing this lad, it’s an uphill battle living with a stutter - I found it helps surrounding yourself with people who understand that this is a problem you face and understand that something we need more time than most to get our thoughts out - the further you get in life the more understanding folk seem to get from my experience. If you’re struggling mentally I’d highly suggest seeking professional help, it’s a lot less scary once you get started and there’s more ways to help than just meds. You’re clearly a strong lad for getting all this out, you’ll find a lot of like minded people here - even if you don’t engage just reading posts and reply’s will help show you you’re not alone in this.