Content
Your stutter isn’t going away Listen, there are ways to improve fluency but if you accept that your stutter will not go away it will make it easier to deal with. I remember my stutter in 2nd grade. It came during my time to read, “I, I, I, I, I”. I took a pause and then, “I, I, I,”. This time the teacher paused me and said to go on to the next word. And I remember feeling scared looking at her, opening my mouth to reply, and nothing coming out. And that’s the way it went for years. My stutter was my #1 thought pressing on my mind while I spoke, listened to someone speak, watched TV, did any social activity, ordered food, met new people, meeting dates, even speaking to my family. It consumed me. Made me feel stupid, small, not worth being friends with, not worth being loved, ugly. It pained me to be a stutterer. Like really pained me. And then when I turned 24 I decided to accept my stutter wasn’t going away. I was so low that it was the only thing left to do. And something changed.... I would accept social invitations thinking “well my stutter isn’t going away so might as well go”. I joined the gym even though I was scared someone would talk to me and I’d stutter. I went on dates and I’d internally wince when I’d stutter but kept thinking “oh well this is my voice”. I even would ask questions in class. Me, asking questions. I started making small talk, too. At restaurants I’d ask the waiter how their day way... totally insignificant to others but major for me. And now at 30 years old, I still stutter. I have to prepare more than a non-stutterer for a meeting where I’ll be speaking. I have to push through my stuttering when ordering food, interviewing, meeting new people, but my stutter doesn’t consume me anymore. I stutter, but I also enjoy reading books, helping others, playing tennis, trying new recipes, hiking, and so so many other things. I’m not just a stutterer, but accepting that it will always be one part of me has made these past 8 years really happy.