seems like the path you’re going is pretty self deprecating, like to the point where you think you don’t deserve the good things in your life, it honestly sounds like you’re doing to yourself more than anything(not tryna invalidate your bad experiences but they already happened and they’re holding you back) you have at least 2 people in the world that recognize that you don’t want your stutter to identify you, and they don’t and still spend time with you, one of them finds it endearing, so you obviously have other traits that contribute as to why they like hanging out with you, so life is showing you that you’re not unlovable but you either see yourself as that or been told that consistently, I’ll tell you rn if I’ve found a women that found my stutter endearing id appreciate her til death lmao, but to conclude I think you’re being too hard on yourself to the point where you’re gonna push everything and everyone out